"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13
Feeling content is the opposite of being "afraid of mediocrity." Seldom, if ever, have I felt truly hungry. Few times in my life have I really been in need. My former post, though straight from my heart, is looking more and more self-centered all the time. :)
With lots of kids and daycare kids, too, people frequently ask me "How do you do it all?" Well, to be honest, I don't do it all. I find it very easy to lay aside one project and focus on a different interest for a while. Could the phone calling be that possibly I am unwilling to invest the time necessary to practice getting better at social interactions?? *gasp* Must I admit that I don't fare well socially? This could mean that possibly I am avoiding making phone calls because I don't want to invest the time in it, not that I'm so uncomfortable doing it. But I become uncomfortable doing it because I don't do it often enough. And because I don't truly want to be doing it, no matter how much I tell myself I do want to. In the instance of the latter, no amount of practice will help me get better.
Whether my performance is mediocre or not is irrelevant. What does matter is if I'm doing the work that God has made me for. Maybe some day I will learn the secret of being content. Being content with mediocre or even worse.
Thanks Kristin for the elbow nudge about the women's ensemble. For years I have dreamed of joining the worship team at church (other churches before I came to Calvary). The closest I ever came was standing behind the piano and playing the tambourine. Well hidden. I loved singing in the choir in college, but there are so many other voices singing together. I did sing on a worship team once in college, and I hope it went well. I thought I did ok. :) Mitch knows this about me, and privately needles me about joining. Today I was seriously thinking about it, and I thought "I don't really think I can draw all that attention to myself." LOL So in a matter of just a few days I go from lamenting about being mediocre and just blending in, to not wanting to draw attention to myself. OH THE IRONY... I hope you will all forgive my self pity! I think I am going to try to find more important things to blog about from now on.
But if I don't, then oh well. That's why it's my blog. =P j/k
Today I am content. I am content to get done what I can. I am content to let some things go undone so that I can have a few moments of free time (to blog, to scrapbook, to do whatever). I don't care about mediocrity as much as I thought I did.
Maybe I should cancel that appointment with the therapist...