Sunday, October 21, 2007

Almost done!

Wow, it's almost over! Mitch says he is glad for the morning to come so he can get through with this last week of school. He has not told his class yet. :( My kids are simply beaming and telling everyone. I can't tell you how much better I feel knowing the end is in sight.

But then, I never want to forget the feelings that I have experienced the past few weeks. The up and down roller coaster of emotions. I hope that doesn't sound strange. I fear that when Mitch comes back we will settle into our new routine and after a while the novelty will wear off. We will get back to that point where we take each other for granted. I know it is inevitable, but perhaps writing it down to recall once in a while will be good. Even though it is painful.

I want to remember the way he held me tight as we fell asleep together the night before he left. How he caught his breath in a cry when we hugged goodbye. How I walked into our empty house (well, it seemed empty without him there) afterwards. How I buried my face into the few shirts he had not taken with him just so I could "smell" him again, and sobbed as I did laundry. How I paced the floor at midnight and cried out to God to make it all be over--NOW! Or the times when I broke down and cried even when the kids were watching. Oh the tears! There were so many times that I just knew the cell phone was going to short out because it was getting wet. He only wrote me one letter while he was gone, and he didn't have any aftershave to scent it up any, but I read it and reread it and smelled it and even slept with it under my pillow! It seems wrong even now to sleep on his side of the bed or to park my van even a smidgen over the middle of the driveway--because I never know when he might show up.

I try to imagine the joy we will feel when he is home. How exciting it will be to feel his arms around us, to hear his voice for REAL, loud and clear. (And how fun to hold him down and shave his head--trust me, we've seen him on webcam and he can sure use a cut)

(small quiet voice) I have some fear and apprehension too. It's hard to go there, but I have talked about it with him at length.

Well, whatever happens, I am excited to move ahead!

On another note, Malachi tried out rice cereal for the first time today. He did awesome. Eden fed him while I took pictures and videoed. He was grabbing the spoon and getting her all messy. =) I realized this weekend that I haven't given him any reflux meds for about 2 weeks now and he's been doing fine. So I guess that's that. He is still spitting up a lot, but doesn't seem to be any fussier without it. He has been rolling over from his back to his tummy. I felt sure that he was too fat to lift that body over, but he's doing it. It's so cute. Now he sleeps on his tummy sometimes. I think he's a bit happier that he's a little more mobile now. He is learning to sit up and can hold his balance for a few seconds on his own. The thing that impresses me is he doesn't seem to slump forward as much any more. He holds his back straighter, and if he startles he's more likely to go backwards or sideways than forwards. I usually say "why do they have to get big so fast?" but in his case I'm a little relieved. Because he's so BIG weight-wise, I'm glad to not have to carry him so much (though I still do quite a bit of carrying). Eden has been helping me out with him a bit more lately, and I've been liking that. I wish I had given her and Micah more responsibility from the start with him. They could have been changing diapers all this time, too. Guess it's time to train my babysitters! =)

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