I've been wanting to post this blog entry for a long time now, and just have been so busy. In the meantime I have been writing it in my head!
Growing up is such a strange feeling. Since I have been 29 now for a couple of years, it's even stranger. I'm not 19 anymore. Not even 21. Weird.
I was blessed by my friend Angie (the photographer) with a ticket to the Newsboys concert on Thursday night here in town. I wish I could embed a video here for you to watch, but I don't want to take the time to search for one, so here is their website: http://www.newsboys.com/newsboystv/index.html. Oh how I wished to be 19 again! I would have loved to have had Mitch and Tara and Lina all there and more of our old buddies from college. We would have had such a great time. Yes, I definitely would have came out of my shell. Instead, it was all I could do to pull my hands out of pockets and clap (much less raise them above my head, yell, and jump up and down). I was in such a conflict with myself--where did this old boring person come from that is taking up residence in my body??? The "boring" me yawned at times, sat down at times, shoved hands deep into pockets. The spirited, youthful me belted out the words to every song I knew (which was most of them), thankfully the old person just couldn't hold that back. I nearly cried when the first song out was one of Mitch's favorites. He stayed at home with the kids, even though I knew he really wanted to go. I did cry when the lead singer shared part of his testimony. It was very encouraging.
Some more thoughts about growing up: I am amazed that Micah is half-grown. I think I forgot that somewhere along the lines I need to help him become an adult (oops). Since I'm still working on becoming an adult, I think I've run into some problems.
I keep thinking that my parents are going to show up and tell me what to do. I could use a little advice here. Someone else to make the decisions and be the responsible ones. While I just hang out and have fun. Hello? Mom? Dad? Want to volunteer?
I didn't think so. Bummer.
I kind of have this feeling that once our kids hit adulthood and start moving out (I know it will be a long process by watching other people go through this), we will be able to become less responsible. This is how it works, right? When our kids are all grown and move out, we can be kids again, right? So it's just a stage. I don't have to give up who I am inside, I just have to *pretend* to be an adult for a little while. Then I can go on back to the business of being a child later, and worry about growing up after I die.
As long as my kids make it there, who cares if I ever do. :)
Pampered Cheeks is growing up too. Getting too big for its britches, that's what it is. It wants to swallow up all of my time. It thinks that it is the most important thing in my life. So I shortened the leash. I am trying to impose normal hourly limits on it, then force it to stay within those boundaries. I started cleaning my house and making supper again. Hopefully everyone will start to feel the relief soon. I still hope to meet a certain (unbelievable) quota in the future. You know, like between 80-100 diapers per month. It's reasonable if I simplify things. So this is how its growing. I have had to make some tough decisions. Really tough. Maybe the most frustrating is the time thing. I'm totally maxxed out. That means unless I restructure my business, I cannot increase profits and production. It's kind of sad. I am working on profit/loss, and re-evaluating my business plan. I'm once again looking at the diaper market and analyzing my strengths and weaknesses. I have some pretty amazing customers who have become my friends. They are incredibly encouraging. You know, when someone writes to you and says, "Your diapers are the best. I should know because I've tried almost everything." Well, that's like setting off a rocket--it propels you into the sky and there's no limit!!
Except the whole production/quota thing. I gotta fix that. This is such a hard in-between stage to be stuck at. The road ahead is unclear, both in my business life and in my personal life.
Ok, back to the growing up thing. I know my body is aging. I have joked that I will be 29 forever, but the truth is I have never really thought of myself as being that old. When I was younger, people the age I am now seemed to be different. I don't see myself now the way that I saw them. Is it possible they also had these same feelings? It must be an incredible feat to feel that your mind and your spirit do not age, but your body does! Oh to be a child! Ackward. Ignorant. Humble. Innocent. Carefree. Trusting. Full of Faith.
"He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.'"
In other news, yes, it snowed here. A lot. Yes, I know. If you want to see pictures, then visit Kristin's blog...you can get there through her profile to the right. It looks the same as always. White. Cold. Fluffy. You know. We did have a beautiful sunset tonight. A remarkable thing. You know that the sun sets in different locations throughout the year--always to the west, but in varying degrees so. Well our house is situated so that during the winter months we cannot see the sunset since it is blocked by other houses in our neighborhood. But beginning about now, the sun has moved (yes, I said that correctly, as I am a proclaimed geocentrist) so that it sets beautifully and fully within view. From now until fall I will be able to watch many sunsets out the kitchen window and off my deck. Tonight we had the rare treat of seeing such a sunset fall on the snow. It was beautiful, and quite worth the bother of having snow at all! :)
Zeke cut his hair yesterday. Chopped a good lot of it right off the top. The rest of it still looks kinda good, so I'm just going to leave it. It just looks like it's laying flat from having a hat on or something. I guess I'll post pictures later. I need to scoot off to bed before I turn into a pumpkin (it's 12:06).