Sunday, May 17, 2015

The Way Things Were

I somehow keep thinking that one day I will open up blogger and resume blogging just as I used to. That I will get back to the way things were. Normal. That I will finally feel brave enough to share my thoughts and feelings with the world again.

Life just doesn't naturally flow that way. Each season sees new growth and the landscape changes. I read some archives from nine years ago to find out exactly when we planted the three oak trees that now grow in our yard. They are so big now (well, still babies, but so much bigger--the wind no longer bends them in half, and the kids can't run over them with the Cozy Coupe.). In these years of waiting patiently for them to grow I have often lamented our choice to plant oaks, which grow so so slowly. Why not a fast-growing maple? (A friend of mine had a funny expression to describe maple trees that I no longer remember accurately-but it was something like "toothpicks in a storm"-and encouraged me that oaks were a better choice.) At the time when we planted them, I had no idea we would even live here to see them grow to the height they are now--actually providing a little bit of shade. And what next? Will we see the growth that another nine years will bring? Maybe, maybe not.

It was odd to read my words from nine years ago. Blogger as a platform has changed. This strange word--"blogging"--has become normal. My purpose for blogging has resisted change, but it too has ebbed and flowed and changed with seasons. My writing voice has changed, at least a little. I have written more in some years, and in other years my growth has been more inward and quiet. Maybe it's a little like my trees. Some years are better than others.

 {Obi learning to ride a balance bike}

Not just with writing, but in plenty other areas of life I wistfully recall the past and sometimes long for my life to just be normal. Some things seem to never change, until I look around and realize they have. I joke that having all the small kids in my home is normal--I've been doing this for years and years--it's these big kids that keep showing up and calling me "Mom." Who dropped off these teenagers and what do I do with them? :) But our whole family dynamic is different. How things have changed with so many little girls! With so many children all together! With all three teenagers having jobs and friends and no longer being available to babysit! I look in the mirror and feel exasperated--I look like my mom...old!

Ok that's quite enough exclamation marks, don't you think? Moving on now.

Why couldn't I age more gracefully? Pretty soon I'm going to have to say "39 forever" because no one believes me anymore if I tell them I'm 29.  I'm not alone, either. Mitch has more gray hairs every time I cut his.

 {Gee, thanks,}

If you haven't seen it yet, this video on youtube was pretty sweet. 1:17--her reaction is mine. ;)

Ok, where was I going with this? I can't remember now. I only had to jump up five times, nurse the baby, answer questions every 2 minutes...I don't know why it's so hard to remember. Getting back to the way things were...well, things around here are "normal." They are changing all the time. The kids are growing like weeds. They are learning so much. I'm not ready for them to move on, and at the same time I am so excited to watch each new skill develop. But sometimes the growth comes slowly. Looking at life in each day-to-day moment, I easily miss the richness and beauty of the family God has given me.

{Tirzah loves roller blading!}

Another school year is nearly done. I sure hope to write about how our year went and share what we plan to do next year. Some of us have big summer plans. In just a couple weeks I'll be writing about how Genna is another month old and all the crazy things she has learned this month. Plus Malachi will be another year older! And Mitch too! But I don't want my blog to become just the chronicling of one big event to the next. We are living so much of our lives in between big events. Each person here is so special. I want to remember and herald each ordinary day and the joy of each person in our family. I hope that as the warm spring brings new growth and green things outside, that my soul will also bloom with new growth and once again I will find my writing voice.

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