Monday, January 29, 2018

A scary update...

Things have been mostly going very well with my 11th pregnancy. Nausea eased up finally about the middle of January and my energy level began to return to normal. I have had a few trips out to the thrift stores in search of great deals on maternity clothes and a few baby clothes. The big boys brought down what I have left of baby clothes out of the garage attic, and I went through those and took inventory so I could figure out what I still need to buy. Mostly we will need 6-9 month winter clothes, and 12-month spring and summer clothes. I've found some really good deals since then. I couldn't resist picking up a cute summer 0-3 month outfit on clearance for only $2. It's weird to think that I don't need a fuzzy warm sleeper to use as a coming-home outfit. I also picked out some yarn and a pattern and started crocheting a blanket.



It's good to be crocheting again, but I have to take lots of breaks. The tendinitis has not returned in my right wrist since I took Aleve in August, but I have still been having symptoms of ulnar tunnel syndrome in my left wrist.

I have gained more weight by 16 weeks than I have with any of my previous pregnancies. So I am beginning to cut back on the sweets. I feel hungry all.the.time. So I'm trying to remember to eat smaller amounts so I can still eat more frequently. If I need to, I'll start tracking what I eat, but I sure hope it doesn't come to that. What a pain!

On Friday afternoon (I was 15 weeks 4 days pregnant), I began bleeding a small amount. It can be common to experience bleeding during pregnancy, but I have (miraculously) never experienced it. I tried to stay calm, but adrenaline hit me anyway. I laid down and called my doctor. After describing my symptoms and activities over the past couple days, she didn't seem concerned. She said that I should rest and if there was more bleeding or cramping, to go to the ER. So I rested all afternoon and evening. Around 8:30 I stood up to get something and started bleeding again. It still wasn't a LOT, but at that point, I couldn't stop the flood of irrational thoughts that hit me one after another. Since I'm really battling anxiety by taking Zoloft and being in therapy, I decided that it would be best for my mental health to go to the ER and get checked. We seemed to be last in line getting to the ER...it was packed. That meant we waited a long time in the waiting room. Thankfully I was not in pain, and I mostly felt calm. When we got into a room, the ER doc ordered a urine screen and an ultrasound right away.

It seemed like just a few minutes and I was being wheeled back for the ultrasound. The tech entered and though she was very sweet, she cautiously warned us that she couldn't tell us anything. She began the scan and we saw baby's head right away. Then she scanned the chest and hovered over the heart. I saw the flicker of the heartbeat and cried out in relief, grabbing Mitch's hand. The sweet tech leaned over and rubbed me on the shoulder with her other hand, reassuringly. She said, "I can't tell you anything, but I can show you." It wasn't long before little Selah was jumping and squirming all over the screen. She literally did somersaults. :) Seeing her arms and legs and beautiful face dispelled all the irrational thoughts I had been experiencing earlier. The tech did pause and say she needed to get her coworker to look for a second opinion, but they couldn't tell me what for. The second tech came in and noted that I was having a contraction that they could see on the ultrasound. That was interesting. (Not a labor or miscarriage contraction, but a normal Braxton-Hicks contraction). The first tech teased the second saying, "I saw you peeking between the legs...they know they're having a girl." LOL. Yes, she is definitely a girl. The techs both gushed at how beautiful the baby is, and the room was so filled with joy.

We had another long wait in my room for the ER doc to get the report and come back in. My urine sample was fine. The report came back normal. They could not find a cause for the bleeding. The ER doc just reiterated what my doctor had said: rest, pelvic rest, and lots of water. I went home and was able to go to sleep peacefully.

I have still had some slight spotting over the weekend, and a little more significant discharge this morning (maybe I was too active yesterday). So today I am planted on the couch and asking the kids to come to me with their schoolwork. I wouldn't say it's going swimmingly...but I'm still trying. I didn't tell them really what's going on, just that I need to rest. This is actually kind of hard for me. Rest would have been welcome 4 weeks ago, but now that I'm feeling better and have my energy back, I just want to be up and moving. I have been gearing up for filing taxes, and that means I've been in paperwork mode. I have purged and purged. It's a great feeling, and I want to keep going. But I will rest. I see my doctor again on Friday. I wish that I could get an answer to the "why" that would lift the activity restrictions, but until I know I want to be safe.

During my time of panic on Friday afternoon, I spent a good deal of time praying. Of course my first prayer was that God would keep Selah alive, that he wouldn't take her. But I know that's a prayer he sometimes doesn't answer. So my second prayer was that He would be close to me, especially if the road ahead was dark and sorrowful. It was SO hard when the prayers didn't relieve my irrational thoughts. I'm thankful that God made a way for me to find peace before the end of that day. It's kind of ironic that last week I was looking for a different middle name for Selah, and I kept coming back to Faith again and again. She is definitely living up to the name Selah Faith as I feel stretched just as much as ever to put my Faith in my Good Father. 

(P.S. No pictures from the ER ultrasound. I wish I had snapped one with my phone, but we were just caught up in the joy of the moment.)

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